Watch movies that don’t make you feel good

The pickup is blue
or white
it’s the same pickup tho
alternating
on unclear stimuli

what’s there
in the black pre-dawn

watching the color fill in
wide and generous

the child can beat her adult in the basement
roaring in the dream

in the dead of afternoon
Bull Hill Rd. is sleepy

7 years will change us
we’ll be changed

flat out in the truck
what’ll come of it

something wicked maybe or beautiful

I know a lot more about cars now
than I ever thought

one corrosive year
this and the others

understanding is
yeah, what

held in the mouth
not swallowed

a crush
which is always the same crush

no safety, nope

sidewalks, no
no, streetlights
neighbors the air and terror
grass getting green in the sun

safe, pretty, social
rather be

fucking totally off

the curse always laces a blessing
trimming décolletage
and the mirror

affirmation lives there
in the mantra
this is it

After a temple nap

gutted when they mow the edge

I know aster and the chevy would still be there

crying into the field, sometimes
leaving in the dark.

Smoothest little sky and one iffy star in the silverest part

these geese & their confusing migrations

might get to feel the energy of everything left unsaid

might get to see a moon even

What else,

listing
under the crush of sentiment, as in

successive objects becoming stable in relation & like
the leeward rail half sunk

Unable to express myself properly, or tie one of my shoes,

I sound and look like a freak in my own home, even in my own dream
its little brook & mill wheel,

and collapse on the concrete floor
—motor-skills of the conscious me in this plane, exhausted

—so dream daughter and dad can pass unbothered.

Face buried in the poultice ground, body to follow I guess

Does destroying come from the world or from the subconscious

omg are you okay? — vs. — we good?

The way a belief in magic could turn nasty

I did finally see the destroying angel bonewhite in the dirt
splitting its death cap into a peeled star & asking me to kiss

When we were in love, if love,

I’m saying nothing not already in the pietá

no salvation without losing,

tho fleetingly I did feel all signifiers chemically dissolved through touch.

And you want to give that all to yourself but

we’re not that
kind of animal